Notes From a Manic Episode in My New Apartment
The walls of my apartment ask me questions, questions I’ve been asking myself for a long time.
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This past week I moved into a new apartment with my partner. Half of our walls are aqua and sapphire, as if they were stained by wild berries. Two windows host views of trees that sway amidst a busy street, and at night the shower window transforms into a waterfall of light, shapes of red, orange, and yellow drifting atop the hum of soft tires. The interiors of the apartment are unvarnished by the cookie cutter signs of gentrification. Its floors creak with signs of previous life, laden with wood and tile, and its shape is unique. If it were a bag, it would be handmade from a market vendor, lopsided in certain areas and frayed at the bottom, as opposed to assembled in a factory with a Gucci label slapped across its face. I appreciate how its owner is a journalist, giving rise to my hope that the space holds good karma for a writer. And I have a vision for it, a vision that possesses me at random hours of the day to search for the perfect rug online, measure every inch of our floors, or slather blue tape across the walls.
Being able to furnish a space as we wish, though it may seem like a simple, generic experience, is, at its core, a sacred process. The living spaces I have occupied, until today, have all been extraordinarily cramped (college, NYC, multiple roommates), pre-furnished (for convenience), or barely furnished (due to lack of budget), meaning this is the first time I have ever signed a lease for an empty apartment that I am intentionally curating into a home. As I look at the empty rooms and imagine what each has to offer — a small bar by the window for drinking coffee in the mornings, a nook in the back room to meditate and journal, an area for a low, Japanese table designed for shared meals and extended conversation — I am walking through a process of curation, expression, and manifestation. I am selecting items that I want to see every day, building a home that represents the things I care about, and designing each space to support the daily functions that constitute what I consider to be a happy life: connection, creation, and rest.
And yet, amidst the excitement, I feel a little bit of anxiety when it comes to creating a “home” in the way that I am — maybe because it feels more “adult” than I am used to, or maybe because it signals a sense of commitment, a growing into a phase of life that is more about consistency and less about fluctuation. At this point, I have traveled to over thirty countries and moved twenty times. In those twenty moves — between apartments, cities, states, nations, or continents — I have built a sense of “home” in every place I’ve slept, and found joy in the constant flow of novelty. I am somewhat addicted to the feeling of putting myself in a place I don’t belong and eventually belonging, for it illuminates the things that excite me most about life: possibility, choice, and self-will are front and center when one chooses to jump into something new
Moving by choice, as many remote workers and travel bugs do, is a decision with an obvious sense of agency. New details, people, and opportunities flood our senses, and the feeling of change by our own volition is salient. In a time where many things feel out of our control, including how our bodies are politicized and our environments destabilized in a changing climate, feelings of volition offer relief. But the volition I desire has changed over time. In the past couple of years, I have found myself craving commitment.
Choosing consistency — to stay where our surroundings are familiar — is as vibrant of a choice as is choosing change. Though the nature of its volition may be more subtle than moving to a new city, staying in the same one unravels its own wonders. We build routines, piece together families from acquaintances, and begin belonging to a place in a way we cannot when we are constantly leaving it for something else. Creating a home is a privilege, and it is one that I will not take for granted.
I consider the Japanese American Internment that stole the homes and possessions of over 120,000 JA citizens, including my family’s. I consider the homes lost to wildfires, hurricanes, and earthquakes. I consider the homes taken from communities who cannot afford increasing rental prices in urban areas across the globe. The “home” is a figurative idea, an illusion we cling onto out of the human need for security and comfort, but it is anything but fixed or stable. For underprivileged, disadvantaged, or oppressed communities, that idea is shattered more easily than for those who are favored by society.
By staying, we build. We become familiar with our surroundings. We appreciate the way the light falls on the buildings across the street. We invest time, money, and energy into creating a safe space for the people we love, including ourselves: to live, eat, sleep, create, and gather. And no matter how long it lasts, it is special, and it is ours. We lay down chairs, tables, and photographs like soil around a tree, creating our corners of the world. And from them, we grow.
Capy Corner: The Xanax of News 🙂
For once, some good news — helping us be a little less stressy and depressy! Here’s a roundup of some wins in cultural diversity and representation for queer, BIPOC+, and womxn-identifying communities around the globe:
In Bogotá’s poorest quarters, women glimpse a future of equality - washington post
In Bogotá’s impoverished Ciudad Bolívar district, a pioneering “care block” initiative seeks to shift societal perspectives and offer substantial support for caregivers, primarily women, who typically work without compensation or formal acknowledgment. This district-wide project allows women to access free educational courses, healthcare services, and use of a city-funded laundromat, significantly alleviating their daily burdens. Despite challenges and resistance, the growing initiative, backed by the city's first female mayor, Claudia López, highlights the crucial necessity of supporting caregivers, aiming to enhance gender equality, break intergenerational poverty cycles, and equalize women’s economic and political standing worldwide.
Indigenous Peoples in Brazil win the battle against Marco Temporal - greenpeace
The Brazilian Supreme Court has voted against the loophole known as Marco Temporal, which challenged Indigenous Peoples’ rights to their traditional land unless proven they occupied them at the time of Brazil’s 1988 constitution. This decision is a significant victory for Indigenous communities and global climate, as Indigenous territories play a crucial role in protecting the Amazon forest. Despite this win, the fight continues as conservative lawmakers attempt to pass similar legislation, threatening to open Indigenous territories to harmful industries like mining, highlighting the ongoing struggle for the protection of Indigenous rights and environmental preservation.
At the Cathedral of Hope in Dallas, drag queens gave a lesson in faith - washington post
At the Cathedral of Hope in Dallas, members of the LGBTQ+ community gathered for a special Pride service to bless the drag community, facing homophobic protests and vitriol outside the church. The event was in defiance of Texas's Senate Bill 12, which had sought to limit sexually oriented performances but was blocked by a federal court. Despite the presence of protesters, the service proceeded, with Rev. Dr. Neil G. Thomas affirming the importance of drag and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and other attendees receiving blessings and communion, asserting the significance of places of worship as centers of resistance and support for the LGBTQ+ community.
India is set to reserve 1/3 of Parliament seats for women (after a 27 year delay) - washington post
India is on the path to potentially enacting the Women’s Reservation Bill, which would allocate a third of seats in the lower house of Parliament and state legislatures for women, aiming to enhance gender representation in the world's largest democracy. The legislation, which has been delayed for decades, has now passed in both the lower and upper houses with substantial support, and is awaiting approval from half of India’s 28 state legislatures. Despite the progress, some critics argue that the bill, projected to take effect by the 2029 elections, does not fully address the nuanced issues of gender and minority representation, and others express disappointment at the delay in its implementation.
Playlist of the Week: 10 Songs for Spending Time with the People You Love 🎛️
This week’s playlist includes Bree Runway (English singer, songwriter and rapper of Ghanaian descent), yuné pinku (Malaysian-Irish heritage producer and songwriter), Gothy Kendoll (drag queen, DJ, and onlyfans creator), and more.
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Your favorite capybara ~ AKA Travis Zane
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Sleepover is a party that turns into a sleepover, a newsletter publishing cozy content to your inbox every week, and an occasional mixed media series promoting BIPOC+, queer, and womxn-identifying creators — produced online and in print.
Oh I love this!!! Please share how you end up decorating <3